The Gift of Time

The first gift we give to others when starting a new friendship/relationship is time. You take time out of your day/week/routine to be with this person, in order to get to know them and nurture the relationship. Time is the most precious gift we can give someone else because it's finite and it passes so quickly. We can't stop it, buy it or take it back, so we make decisions all the time about how we will spend it.

You will often hear people make the excuse, "I don't have time for a relationship, I'm too busy". That may very well be true, but notice them change the minute they meet someone they click with and suddenly, they've found a way to fit the other person into their busy schedule.

The more new a relationship is, the more time it needs. Not that older friendships don't need time, but they can go for longer without requiring tons of investment. Many of us have an old friend we only speak to or see once a month or even once a year, but when we see each other, it's like old times and we pick up where we left off. That's because of all the time invested. A lot of people have friends like this who are from childhood because back then, we had no other distractions to take away from forging strong friendships. As we become adults, we have to deal with adult responsibilities and it becomes harder to spend a significant amount of time making new friendships. It becomes difficult also when we move away from our place of birth.

There is a solution if you are missing that connection (and true friendship is a valuable connection). The aim is to make a conscious effort into putting 100% of yourself into the time you do have with others. This advice goes for everyone, whether you're starting a new relationship or hanging out with an old friend, give of yourself freely and without distractions for whatever short time you have.

This means not taking time for granted. If you are on the phone with a friend, turn off the TV! Turn off the radio. Don't sit in front of the computer. Don't wash dishes. Don't start dusting the shelves. Just sit and talk on the phone and enjoy the conversation. (I know this is difficult if you have small children at home, but try your best and maybe call when they are sleeping.)
Give your full attention (and full time) to the conversation at that moment. I guarantee your friends with notice the attention, even if they can't place what is different.

Same thing if you're having a quick coffee with someone. Make eye contact with the person you are with. Don't distractedly look out the window, or at the newspaper or at the pretty waitress. I know it's hard, but try to be in the moment.

The important thing to remember is that time is precious and most of the other things that distract us from giving our full attention to the people that matter are replaceable.

I stopped at my dad's house this weekend for Father's Day. I had just done my groceries beforehand and had not anticipated staying long. I had milk and ice cream in my car and it was a hot day. Turns out Dad was also hot and wanted his air conditioner installed. Well, it took a bit more time than I thought it would and at some point I thought to myself, "oh dear, my ice cream must be melting in the car!" but I had to stop and think, "well, I can always buy more ice cream. How much time do I have left with my Dad?"

You can't buy another Dad, another friend or another good inside joke. You can't buy those deep belly laughs you have when you talk to your best friend. But you can always buy another container of milk, another newspaper, or another shirt.

Time is short. Spend it doing what matters, with the people who matter to you. Give it all you've got for the short time you've got.
It's that simple :)

The Gift of Time

It's Ok to Take

Not only do we have to give, we also have to receive, graciously. A lot of people are very humble and this is good, but a lot of people also don't have the self-esteem to receive. This becomes a vicious cycle, because when you never take anything of worth in, you can never improve your outlook on yourself.

Sometimes people just don't know how to receive or feel bad for taking.

It's OK to take. We need balance in the world and our lives and this means that sometimes we need to take. We should not feel guilty about that. It's just part of the ebb and flow of life.

Most people don't have a hard time taking food and drink at a party but have the hardest time taking a compliment or a blessing.

Compliments are precious gifts. When given with sincerity, they give love, acceptance, and respect. Many people's first reaction in response to a compliment is "oh, no no! It was nothing!" They negate it, let it blow over them, instead of absorbing it. I believe words have power. I believe they can fill you with different vibrations. Negative words give you a negative energy and you'll stew and fume for a bit. Positive words give you a positive energy. People will see you glowing and it breeds more positive energy. When you accept and take in positive energy, you will have more to give. Accept only negative energy and that's what you'll give to others and no one likes that.

Make a promise to yourself that the next time someone gives you a compliment, you will take it in. You will pause before saying anything. Maybe make your immediate response non-verbal, like a hug or a smile. Really, we don't *need* to say anything back. Let go of that. You do not need to compliment in return if it is not sincere. You don't need to quickly come up with anything to say. If you say nothing else, you can say "thank you". If that's hard for you to say, practice saying it in front of a mirror and smiling while you do it. You might feel silly, but you may also find that you have a lot to say thank you for.
Really, you don't need to say or do anything. You just need to take it in and let the positive vibes fill you. Let it put a hop in your step and a goofy smile on your face for the rest of the day. It's that simple :)

It's Ok to Take