"Easy is right. Begin right and you are easy. Continue easy and you are right. The right way to go easy is to forget the right way and forget that the going is easy." -Chuang-tzu
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That is how the light gets in"
-Leonard Cohen
Just about every year, I participate to raise funds for Parkinson's disease because my father was diagnosed with it in 2006. We really appreciate any donations and we want you to know every bit does make a difference. Thank you!
I'm on a mission - I want everyone to start donating. You really don't have to sacrifice very much to make a difference. Here are a few easy ways to give back to your local community:
Hotel soaps
1) Take those little soaps, lotions, and shampoo/conditioner from your hotel room (or spa, if those things are provided) and donate them to a local shelter. Take the slippers, too!
Many of us take a hot shower for granted, and shelters always need things like soap and shampoo. It helps to make someone feel a little more human for one day and isn't a big deal for you to carry home.
Clothes
2) I'm sure you have lots of perfectly good clothes in your closet that you no longer wear. Do NOT throw them in the garbage! There are lots of second-hand stores that will take them. So will churches, and some cities have drop-off bins at grocery stores. There are even some associations that will pick up stuff from your house. Grab a large bag and go through your stuff every few months. It will free up your space and help someone else.
Coupons
3) Are you a coupon cutter? If you're already cutting coupons for yourself, cut out the ones for products you don't need and donate them to a food bank. It will help keep their costs down and it really doesn't take that much time to do. You can mail in any coupons you don't use, especially ones for diapers and formula.
Volunteer
4) Set aside a day a month for volunteer time. One day a month, that's all I'm asking! There are plenty of places one can volunteer at as a "one-off" - no on-going commitment necessary. Look for art festivals, fund-raisers or soup kitchens. These little opportunities also benefit you by giving you something extra to put on your resume, and also getting you out and meeting people. Single people - what better place to meet a great person than at a charity event, huh? Makes a fun next date!
Make it Automatic
5) Set up an automatic giving program with the charity of your choice. Most big charities now take pre-authorized bank debits, as well as monthly credit card debits. If you set up a monthly plan, it can be as low as $5. a month and not hurt your budget.
If you've got it, give it and everyone has a little something to give. You'll see in the long run, the more you give, the more you get back. It's that simple!
**What about you? Do you have any simple tips to get other people donating? Comment and let me know.
Has this ever happened to you -?
Let's say you experienced something very painful or difficult. Let's use the example of the place you lived in burnt down. You have rebuilt or found a new place, dealt with the insurance company, all sorts of troubles, but now you are ok.
Not too long after, a similar thing happens to someone you know. Except in this case, the damage wasn't as bad. Maybe just one room in their home was damaged or there was water and smoke damage because it happened in the apartment next door. Despite there being only minor damage compared to your situation, this person is very upset and telling everyone how hard a time they are having. This makes you furious inside, because what you went through was worse and you can't believe this person is making such a big deal out of "nothing". It's almost like they're making a farce of what you went through!
But wait, what just happened there?
You just claimed possession of an experience. A bad one at that. You're angry because you believe you own the monopoly on the right to feel bad when a house burns down. What you went through was the WORST in the world and no one else is allowed to feel as bad as you. You may even claim their experience is now invalidating yours somehow. As if it somehow threatens your pain.
Is that what you really want though?
It's important to remember that our egos do some very silly things some times. You may have gotten more attention when you were suffering and you don't want any of that attention turned away. But that's negative attention, for a negative situation. Do you really need that?
It's also important to remember that pain and suffering are relative. We feel things differently, but no person's pain is more or less important than another's. Sure, there are times when we take things out of context and a lot of it has to do with our outlook on life, but we can't and we probably shouldn't try to quantify pain. For some, the death of a family pet would be harder to deal with than the death of a parent. For others it would be the other way around. But it is not for us on the outside to judge.
The most positive and compassionate thing you can do with the experience of your pain is help others when they go through similar trials. Do not say, "you shouldn't feel bad because only one room of your house burnt down, but my whole house burnt down so that's worse!", but rather, "I have an idea of what you're going through, would you like to know what helped me get through it?". You might find your pain diminishes with time. If you share the load with someone else, you're only carrying half. It's that simple :)
I'm going to keep this link up as long as I can - because I believe we should donate all year round and not just at the holiday season. If you'd like to donate a dollar or two, please do and let me know in the comments so I can thank you - if you want.
Doctors Without Borders is my favourite charity to donate to. I feel the work they do is priceless and so needed. I believe in taking care of people first. Once we have that covered, we can in turn help the environment and the animals we share our planet with.
Thanks!
http://my.e2rm.com/
Most of us have treasured material possessions. In fact, many of us simply have too many! But out of all those things, I'm not going to ask you what you can't live without (you can live without any possessions!) but what would make you very sad if they were lost. What 5 things would upset you the most to lose?
Think hard....
Perhaps a locket that was your great-great grandmother's?
Childhood photographs?
Your iPod?
A particular book?
A celebrity's autograph?
The hat your father wore?
Keep thinking....
Are they things that can be replaced?
Are they tangible or intangible, like memories?
It doesn't really matter. I'm not going to argue one type is better than the other. Nor will I try to convince you that you should give up all your possessions and live in a cave. What I want you to do is become conscious of the value you place on certain things and really evaluate what matters and what you can really live without.
We tend to become very possessive very quickly. If we claim a seat on the bus or subway, we start to become very protective of that space, which actually doesn't belong to us at all! It becomes "my" chair - something I have that others don't. We pause when we have to "give it up" to someone else, though it was never ours to begin with. We do the same thing with material possessions and the longer we own them, the more attached we become. Habits develop and we proclaim that we simply cannot live without them!
While I don't wish this upon anyone, if there was a fire and your house burnt down - your family and pets are fine but nothing physical is left - what would upset you most to lose? Even more importantly - why?
I think, if you sit down and really think about it, you'll realize it isn't hard to see what is really important and that you really can live with a lot less than you think.
When I was a teenager, my school sent us away from home to a ski camp. During that time, we met some other teens, most notably a group of Equadorians. Us girls snuck into their cabin to talk to them. After some stilted conversation, I mentioned I was upset I did not bring my camera with me to remember this moment and one of the young men said it didn't matter, the best camera is the mind.
OK, maybe it was a cheesy line, but honestly, your memories are yours, not to be stolen by anyone. You can't lose them one day while walking to the bank. Even if you are afflicted with Alzheimer's, you still have *some* memories.
Of course, photographs and physical objects help those memories surface and make them more tangible, but they are not 100% necessary.
This whole exercise is just to help you keep things in perspective and become conscious of your possessiveness. If we don't get too attached to things, obviously it won't hurt so much when we lose them, but since we often do get attached, just try to keep in perspective what their loss would mean. Do your best to keep those things safe, but if you do lose them, remember you always have your memories. It's that simple.
The first gift we give to others when starting a new friendship/relationship is time. You take time out of your day/week/routine to be with this person, in order to get to know them and nurture the relationship. Time is the most precious gift we can give someone else because it's finite and it passes so quickly. We can't stop it, buy it or take it back, so we make decisions all the time about how we will spend it.
You will often hear people make the excuse, "I don't have time for a relationship, I'm too busy". That may very well be true, but notice them change the minute they meet someone they click with and suddenly, they've found a way to fit the other person into their busy schedule.
The more new a relationship is, the more time it needs. Not that older friendships don't need time, but they can go for longer without requiring tons of investment. Many of us have an old friend we only speak to or see once a month or even once a year, but when we see each other, it's like old times and we pick up where we left off. That's because of all the time invested. A lot of people have friends like this who are from childhood because back then, we had no other distractions to take away from forging strong friendships. As we become adults, we have to deal with adult responsibilities and it becomes harder to spend a significant amount of time making new friendships. It becomes difficult also when we move away from our place of birth.
There is a solution if you are missing that connection (and true friendship is a valuable connection). The aim is to make a conscious effort into putting 100% of yourself into the time you do have with others. This advice goes for everyone, whether you're starting a new relationship or hanging out with an old friend, give of yourself freely and without distractions for whatever short time you have.
This means not taking time for granted. If you are on the phone with a friend, turn off the TV! Turn off the radio. Don't sit in front of the computer. Don't wash dishes. Don't start dusting the shelves. Just sit and talk on the phone and enjoy the conversation. (I know this is difficult if you have small children at home, but try your best and maybe call when they are sleeping.)
Give your full attention (and full time) to the conversation at that moment. I guarantee your friends with notice the attention, even if they can't place what is different.
Same thing if you're having a quick coffee with someone. Make eye contact with the person you are with. Don't distractedly look out the window, or at the newspaper or at the pretty waitress. I know it's hard, but try to be in the moment.
The important thing to remember is that time is precious and most of the other things that distract us from giving our full attention to the people that matter are replaceable.
I stopped at my dad's house this weekend for Father's Day. I had just done my groceries beforehand and had not anticipated staying long. I had milk and ice cream in my car and it was a hot day. Turns out Dad was also hot and wanted his air conditioner installed. Well, it took a bit more time than I thought it would and at some point I thought to myself, "oh dear, my ice cream must be melting in the car!" but I had to stop and think, "well, I can always buy more ice cream. How much time do I have left with my Dad?"
You can't buy another Dad, another friend or another good inside joke. You can't buy those deep belly laughs you have when you talk to your best friend. But you can always buy another container of milk, another newspaper, or another shirt.
Time is short. Spend it doing what matters, with the people who matter to you. Give it all you've got for the short time you've got.
It's that simple :)
This is the speech I gave at my best friend's wedding, January 27th, 2007:
Katie was born exactly one week before me and for some reason she has done most big things in life before me - except for get married. I did that first, so I wanted to give her some advice.
I once heard a minister say that being married is like driving a car. If you want it to run smoothly, you have to stop every once and a while and put gas in it so it keeps going. You have to do regular maintenance. Well, I wanted to take that a step further - being married is like driving across Canada.
So you start out in the Atlantic provinces. The economy isn't great, the people might not have tons, but they're really friendly. So it's like when you first move in - you might not have everything you need, but you're happy and you make do.
Then you get into QC - there are some big exciting cities, it's fun, but people argue over silly little things like language - so it's like being newly married. You learn about each other's quirks, but you're still having a good time.
Then you get to Ontario. Ontario is huge! It takes two days to drive across it and everything starts to look the same...and the boredom starts to set in. It's all routine by now....
But the Prairies, oh no! So boring. You begin to wonder if you took a wrong turn. Maybe one of you wants to dip into the States to see if there's something more interesting down there. You wonder why you're still driving this way...maybe you should turn back, or maybe even just stop and give up.
But if you stay the course and keep driving, you end up in Alberta. Lots of oil, money...not really excitement, but there's a sense of stability there and you think, whew! we made it....until you get to the border with BC.
Suddenly you're in the Rockies, twisting and turning up and down hills. You can't see the edge of the cliff and you can't see what's coming up next and it's really scary. But in the end, if you take it slowly and have patience you'll get there.
Over the course of your marriage, you will symbolically drive across Canada over and over again. You'll have periods of big city excitement and really boring Prairies, but what will keep you going is always remembering to put gas in the car and having faith in each other; that you're navigating this together and you won't get lost.
You might not always end up on the path you expected, but as long as you love each other, it will be the right one.
Enjoy the ride because it's like no other. And don't forget to stop for gas.
One thing that can drastically change a gloomy mood is being thankful. People often forget to be thankful. We're all busy people and after we've gotten what we wanted, it's easy to forget how we got it.
The point to being truly thankful is to do it daily and to thank even when things didn't quite go the way you wanted them to. This is hard - I often forget to do this myself, but it's a valuable habit that needs to become more of a habit for more people.
Being thankful is just another way to give and it goes along with receiving. It doesn't have to be elaborate, it just needs to be sincere.
My general rule is: when someone does something for you, whether you asked them to or not, but especially if you asked them, say "thank you". This goes for the waiter who just filled your water glass, even though he is "just doing his job" and it took him 15 minutes to notice your glass was empty. Same goes for your housemate for taking out the garbage each week (and so often we forget to thank our lovers/partners for the little things!).
Another rule I have is: even if you have said thank you in the past to a particular person, you may need to say it again. One reason for this is people often don't hear compliments or thank yous the first time. They might not even hear it the second time. It depends on the person. One might respond better to you saying it in person. If you know the person doesn't take compliments very well, try writing them a card.
I'm not saying you need to bend over backwards trying to use every method possible to express your gratitude, but I am advocating putting at least a little effort in and by all means, not being forgetful or lazy about it.
A hand written card/letter is always lovely. Hand picked flowers are even nicer than store bought. Home baked cookies better than store bought - because it's about the time and effort you put into it. It's the thought that counts!
Never assume that the person "just knows" you are thankful. Let's say you ask to borrow your neighbour's lawn mower every weekend. You've said thanks the first few times and maybe you've invited him/her over for a bar-b-q, you feel, as an exchange. This does not mean you're even and get to stop being grateful. After all, you still haven't bought your own lawn mower. As long as someone is being helpful, you need to keep being grateful.
Here's a little exercise to help you practice gratitude in your daily life:
Stand in front of a mirror: you have a lot to be thankful for. Can't think of anything? Start small. Afterall, you're standing (or maybe sitting, but that's just as good. You have a seat!). You have a mirror! You can see yourself and/or hear yourself. You're breathing!
You are engaging in the act of trying to be thankful and that's a start.
Once you've come up with a few things, say thank you out loud. Thank your hands for all the things they do for you. If your hands don't work so well anymore, thank them for the things they once did. You don't have hands? Thank the next best thing to them! You get the idea.
Once you start there, you can move on to bigger things. Say thanks for your family, health, love, money, sunrises and sunsets, music, absolutely anything. Soon you'll find you won't be able to stop coming up with things to be thankful for.
Just make it a part of your life and I guarantee you'll feel happier. It's just that simple :)
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